Our Hearts Always Hold Them Close,

the butterfly jar by lostinthisphotograph 

Linking with the Sunday Muse for Muse # 63


Grief — the great redefiner of life. ~Terri Guillemets

Loss is a burden that we carry with us quietly

And sometimes others eyes do not see

Though it echoes loudly in the holders’ heart

With all the beauty that we touch and come to know

We hold on to love the hardest

Wanting its beauty to linger like a butterfly on display

“Stay with me a little longer my love”

Is what my heart always whispers

But this life has its own plans

Heaven has another time line

That our eyes cannot hold

When we must let go

Sometimes our heart still feels their touch

And still hears their voice in song

seeing their beauty in what remains

and their smile in others that share their last name

loss is a burden that we carry with us quietly

sometimes others eyes do not see

though it echoes loudly in the holders’ heart

those that we have had the blessing to love in this life

come to know a deeper freedom

and our spirits must let them go

but our heart always holds them close

no matter what skies they truly fly.

For Lauren and Seth

Grandchildren both in Heaven’s sweet embrace and always in our hearts.

This week it will be one year since my beautiful Granddaughter Lauren went to Heaven joining my wonderful Grandson Seth who went to Heaven before her in 2000.  Losing someone so young is a grief that is hard to capture in words.  It leaves a gaping hole in our heart and that cannot be filled by anything else in this world.  We hold on tightly to what we hold dear, and letting go is not an option for the heart.  All I can say is this; it will be a beautiful reunion when flying into Heaven’s gates, a beautiful reunion indeed!

True Real Estate

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"My friends are my estate."  Emily Dickinson

One stormy night I sat on the cement floor of a shelter
wearing the only clothes I had with me
not sure what I would go back home to
whether anything would be salvageable
or if I would have a home
a place
 with all my stuff
it seems
I spent years collecting things
lots of things
stuffed in boxes
hung in closets
stored in bags
piled on piles
because
I had
no equity
or investment
in property
no land
to call my own
but I had things
everything you
could think of
I had it.......
.......but it took losing it
to remind me that
my true friends and family
are the things in my life
that matter most.



I do know this much is true.....losing everything you own never compares to losing those we love.  For no matter how bad of a day those days in a shelter would have been, they could never be as bad as days I had known losing those I love in this world.


I dedicate this piece to those who have true real estate in heaven and in our hearts:

Lauren NicoleThackeray
Seth Michael Stewart
Terry Tod Thackeray
Carol Thackeray
William Clyde Odeneal
Hazel Covington Odeneal
Vaude Van Horn
Virginia Katherine Van Horn
Parkes Van Horn
Dorothy Van Horn
Bill Odeneal Sr.
Carrie Lee Meredith
Harry Van Horn
Lou Odeneal
Leah Odeneal
Margaret Boatman
Barbara Van Horn
Katherine Odeneal Marco
James Marco Jr.
Benji Baldridge
Tony Thackeray I
Heather Thackeray
George Thackeray I
Edith Thackeray
George Thackeray II
George Thackeray III
Teddy Thackeray
Tom Thackeray
Little Tom Thackeray
Gail Thackeray
Parks Wayne Van Horn
Lisa Grace Van Horn

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Soul Song

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Linking with The Sunday Muse for The Muse # 18

Also linking with Imaginary Gardens for the Tuesday Platform.

Come Join us!

Neither height nor depth can measure the possibilities of the human soul.

 ~James Lendall Basford

I am feathered in grief love and longing and I am caged in skin and bone

I hold the knowledge of something greater beckoning me onward

and calling me home.

Life must be perched closely but it cannot be held too tight.

It is a ballad that must not be silent and bird that has to fly.

Birds are kindred spirits never meant to perch right here for long.

As we are called to something bigger, we have a greater song.

This song rises within us like a sparrow unto its nest

Stirring like falling feathers from what once was to what is next.

The soul is a mighty presence that can ride the wind like birds in flight.

It is bigger than scientific theories, yet smaller than our sight.

It is a guest in a God made palace that someday will crumble down.

In a journey full of lessons of being lost and then being found.

For I am feathered in grief love and longing and caged in skin and bone

I hold the knowledge of something greater beckoning me onward

and calling me home.

For Lauren

The Transient

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You don't have a soul.  You are a Soul.  You have a body.  ~C.S. Lewis

Lovely Is the Fall

The Mag # 242

If Heaven made him — earth can find some use for him. ~Chinese Proverb

There are many ways we lose things in this life, like a tree loses leaves in the autumn wind.

It is not just death that steals from the heart what could or might have been.

More than just a fire can take a house and tear the home right down,

as many trade winds that blow can carry the leaves until they hit the ground.

I did not realize what I had lost until the midst of winter's hardest cold

though you had been falling long before the autumn's rustling winds could blow.

Yet, for everything that is lost, something else new can be retrieved.  

There is a lesson spread upon the path that sounds out like rustling leaves.

One man's fall can be a guide post for another's future steps in this life
for even loss and hurt serve a greater purpose to inspire a walk that's truly right.




My sponsor once asked me why I could not give my son and his addiction over to God.  For a long time I could not truly answer her question.  At the surface I did not know the answer myself.   The following is the answer I eventually gave her:

"I am afraid of losing him, not just in death, but also in addiction.  For anyone who has ever had a child go through such a severe addiction knows that we do not just lose people through death, we lose people all kinds of ways.  When he was in the depths of his addiction, he was lost, and I felt I had lost the true him; the person he was truly in his heart.  I cannot tell you how devastating that experience is, but I understand now that is why I have held on to the fear of turning him completely over to God, as foolish as that may sound.  Even though he might need to go down another dark path to reach the place God wants him to be, I do not know if I could go through that again.  The pain of losing him in that way is beyond explaining.  Be it what it is, that is my reason."

It has been over a year since I wrote these words, and much has happened since then.  I am grateful to say that he went down the dark path again and hit rock bottom there.  He is now very active in recovery with a sponsor and sponsoring someone himself.  I have seen the miracle of recovering in his life and the inspiration of how he can help others that are on the dark beaten path of addiction.  That is what is lovely about falling.  We can reach out for help and get back up again, It is in that process we become a help to others through the example of our own life's lessons.  It may be a hard course, but when it is learned genuinely it is a beautiful one.

His Name Is Forever

Magpie # 32

When we are children time is always our friend,

we play hand in hand for hours on end.

One day we grow up and we become distant and lose touch.

We start running through life in a big rush.

Years go by, and one day, he calls and knocks at our door.

We remember, catch up, and plan to do more.

Then we are elderly, and our days become few,

he clings to our side like a friend that is true.

At the moment when we will say farewell to this place,

he does not stop nor leave, but accompanies us to heaven's gates.

To read more prompts visit Willow's Magpie Tales.

Here and Heaven

Imperfect Prose take a look you will love it!

Sometimes the distance between the deliverance and the trial

can seem to be a million hard miles.

And at times the distance between bitterness and peace

can seem to be a far ocean we could never reach.

sometimes the distance between despair and hope

can seem to be an endless gravel road.

And at times the distance between our doubts and our faith

can seem to be many worlds away.

Yet, the distance between each one of these

is simply the space between the floor and our knees.

Green Off The Vine

Magpie Tale # 22 ( A great site for writers!)

You were always hungry to hold freedom before your time.

I grew fat on hopes, content to linger on the vine.

On earth you never found the purpose you longed to hold.

I hope that now in heaven, peace is yours to know.

For Vaude

October 10, 1956  to  December 25, 2002

So many times over the years I have wondered why my brother, and I chose such different paths.  Both of the same vine, we shared so many things as children, but how we accepted and dealt with the troubles of our adulthood was so diverse.  We were like different fruits of seperate gardens.  I often thought that maybe there was something more that I could have done to help him.  Now through life's hopes, struggles, and recoveries in my own life, I have come to realize that our lives are part of a bigger plan that our hands could never completely hold.

His struggles taught me to be strong.  His searching helped me choose hope.

His shortened life was my teacher more than he ever knew.