The 9 Lives of a Classic Enabler

 

Drinking linking with the Sunday Muse for Muse #174

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Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author unknown

 

I spent years chasing red dots and climbing fences that were not mine to climb

Putting myself in a bad place trying to smooth the path for the one by my side

My heart was an alley cat always searching and thirsty for ache’s cure

Yet the more I tried to ease the pain the more we all endured

It can be a vicious cycle emerging from the rubble just to scrape the same old bruise

That is what happens when we try to gain what was never ours to lose.

 

Note:

I do not have the answer for what makes someone a classic enabler.   I only know that I was classified as one at the age of 21, and I have spent a lifetime proving it to be true. 

The Architecture of Broken Hearts

"The Architect" by Erik Johansson

Click HERE to view his website.

Linking with The Sunday Muse for Muse # 78

brought to us today by the amazing and talented poet Shay!

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"When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills."

~ Chinese Proverb

We build homes out of more than timber and brick

For living in a perfect place is an optical illusion

A sleight of hand that hides an ace under its sleeve

My mother built hers with secrets that remained behind closed doors

Perfect curtains in front of cluttered rooms where emptiness

Filled the air thicker than the dust that lined the shelves

I built my house on my own with no directions

But it still was block and beam set on the same illusion

Denial is stronger than the steel frame of a skyscraper

Where character defects can be blind to a cracked foundation

Sometimes to truly repair the damage

 we must tear down the dilapidated homestead

and simply begin again. 

The Magnificent Magician

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The Sunday Muse for muse # 26 and with Imaginary Gardens for The Tuesday Platform brought to us by Sanaa
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We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable. ~Alexander Solzhenitsyn

It is a show I have performed on a big bright stage

 but it has never been magnificent, it has only been a comedy of pain

 Here comes the lady that performs magic tricks

  She makes things appear different with the click of a stick

 No rabbits come out of her big black hat

Only denial and excuses with a big black cat

If you do not look close you will never see

The trouble disappearing act from scene to scene

What once looked bad is now all covered up

With magic gloves under a magic rug

Turns out it only makes for a bigger mess

After the show is over and the rug gets wet

And every performance turns out the same

Turns something medium into a bigger pain

I know cause I did the show many many times

And it always ended the same come rain or shine

My problems magically grew larger right on the stage

And every show I still do that trick just the same

I finally had to take off my magic hat and lay down my stick

For only God can perform a true magnificent magic trick.

Classic enablers can be like a crazed magician or a frenzied maid, trying to fix the world around them and make the problems of those they love disappear.  It is a job that can make for a weary heart and was never what we were meant to do.  I know this because I am one, and I spent many years trying to smooth the rough waters of alcoholism and addiction right at my own front door.  One thing I have learned in the process is this:  the force of dysfunction of a classic enabler can be just as horrific of an addiction as drugs or alcohol abuse can be.  No wisdom of others on the outside looking in could stop me.  It is a struggle that I still wrestle with, but I have learned to see it for what it is, and not let denial cover my eyes with a blind fold like a magician’s ruse.

Recovery

Google Images




At the bottom is always the best soil to sow and grow something new again.

In that sense, hitting (rock) bottom, while extremely painful, is also the perfect sowing ground.

That being said, before we can begin to grow, we must first realize that we are bogged down. (Step 1)

WJM

My arms have grown weary and my back is all worn.

My insides are crumbling and my outside is torn.
Life is a journey that requires some might
and rest becomes a luxury instead of a right.
So now I am in need of major repair.
God's needle and thread with love, hope, and care.




This was originally written for
 Poetry Jam for the "One Word" prompt.
My word is:
Recover
Unfortunately I did not make it in time, so I am sharing it with Poet's United's Poetry Pantry #236



  Being the mother of a recovering addict alcoholic has made the last few years of my life rough in more ways than just a worn out arm chair.. I am blessed to be able to say that his ultimate rock bottom was 6 months ago, and the journey since then has been the beginning of rehabilitation for a road full of wreckage that once seemed beyond repair.  It is hard to have to admit, but my own dysfunction inhibited his recovery for a very long time.  My need to smooth the gravel path prolonged his stay on a road of destruction, and that is a sad truth that I must never forget.  The fact of the matter is, recovery is not just for alcoholics and addicts, it is for anyone who has been born upon this earth.  If you have lived then you have felt something and been touched by the wares of life.  It is impossible to feel and not at some point get hurt in some way, and if you have been hurt, then you are in need of recovery. 
Like a worn out chair that has been sat on again and again, we all eventually need some mending.  Fortunately there are many avenues of help out there.  Many churches and support centers have groups that meet and provide a great help to those who are ready and willing for a change.  There is "Celebrate Recovery" a Christ based approach to recovery that was a response to twelve step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous.  "Overcomers Outreach" is another great support group founded on the twelve steps and the scriptures as well.  No matter what place you might find yourself in this life, there is help and support out there.  You just have to want it bad enough to have the courage to reach out for true help and start mending your life.

Google Images

"Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future."

~Robert Schuller



Bending Over Backwards

Natasha Stockham's Photography

Linking with Imaginary Gardens for "Open link Monday"

 

 

"Suffering isn't ennobling, recovery is."  ~Christiaan Barnard

 

 I am not an agile person physically.  I could never do a back bend and land on my feet, nor even do a forward roll or somersault.  Yet when it comes to the matters of the heart and relationships, I will mentally do  an acrobatic dismount off the high beam followed by a cartwheel and the splits.  All the while smiling as if it is an easy feat, but inside I will be groaning with pain.  It is a behavior that I have acted out for years.  So like a heavy oak branch, it is a habit that will not be easy to break. 

One night a few weeks ago I had plans to go to dinner with a dear friend of mine.  I have been sharing my car with my son who was home with my car and she was going to pick me up from work and then take me to my ride so that we could meet up at a farther location to go out to eat.  As I got into her car I realized that she was having a bad day due to a bad phone call, and very much in a hurry to get to our destination. 

 In her presence of frazzled behavior, I found myself wanting to hurry to diminish the stress that lingered in the air.  I rushed out of her car to my apartment, hoping to get my keys and a couple things to head out to my outing with her.  Once I got into my apartment in a whirl of haste, I found another predicament. 

 My son was not feeling well and hoping to be taken to the store to get soup and medicine.  Knowing that this would make me late and my friend even more annoyed.  I reacted with animosity as I scurried around the apartment grabbing my purse and my keys to head out the door.  Of course this made him upset, because I was not going to tend to his problem at the moment, so magically I had another agitated person to deal with.

I dashed in my car with more stress than I entered the apartment with.  I was now carrying the load of two people's dismay, and it was stealing the peace right out of my hands.  As I drove away, I got the big idea of calling a friend of mine that helps me out a lot.  I asked him if he would call my son and take him to the store for me.  The friend commenced to call him, but there was no answer.  I then asked him to try to text.  Unfortunately, that was at no avail.  In the process of urgently asking him to keep trying to get ahold of my son, I found him getting more and more annoyed.  The next thing I knew, he practically hung up on me. 

It had become an eloquent little mess that I could not have planned if I had tried with all my might.  By the time I reached the restaurant I had 3 aggravated people to contend with.  Fortunately my friend calmed down at the restaurant and we had a nice time, and everyone else eventually got over it, as they always seem to do. 

Later that evening as I laid in bed thinking back over the day, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was.  Each situation perpetuated the next.  My effort to prevent one person from being upset made the next person mad.  It was like a snowball that got bigger as it rolled.  Only I was the ball rolling down the hill trying in vain not to upset the scheme of things. 

It is funny how life has a way of teaching us what we need to know.  I don't need to take gymnastics or psychology to understand that no amount of magic and tricks up my sleeve can keep everyone happy all of the time, but my lifetime habit has been to do just that.   Do whatever it takes no matter how awkward or painful to avoid controversy or dismay.  It holds good intentions, but usually becomes problematic for both me and those I am related to.

The Mistress and a Man

 

The Mag #236

 

 

 

"What is to give light must endure burning."  ~Viktor Frankl

 

 

We hold a certain attraction the two of us.

I need to be needed and you need too much.

 

My light keeps reaching without falter or rest

as you love the luxury of being my returning guest.

 

To be your beacon is what I always yearn

yet I am the recipient of my constant burn.

 

We have a certain attraction like a light and a moth

for I long to sustain you, but you cannot be caught.

No I am not having an affair with a married man.  I just thought that the wording in first person held more power.  The picture represented a painful relationship to me and I went with it in this direction.  That's my story and I am sticking to it.

What do you see when you look at the prompt?

 

 

 

Functional....What's That?

Finland, 1968, photo by George F. Mobley

 

The Mag # 216

 

 

"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons". ~Alfred E. Newman

 

What is functional really?   

 

 

Is it an umbrella that gives shade from the sun?

 

 

or  shield you from pouring rain?

 

 

and also a fixture in the perfect picture?

 

 

 

then still able to be a playful tool?

 

 

 

all the while capable of being useful as a rest stop upside down?

 

Is that what functional truly means?  Is it like an umbrella that can be versatile and serve many purposes?  Or a tool that always performs correctly?  In the dictionary it says that functional means of or pertaining to function or functions, capable of operating or functioning, having or serving a utilitarian purpose, capable of  serving the purpose for which it was designed. 

 Now days we hear the term functional and dysfunction a lot pertaining to people, family, and life in general.  It is spoken about frequently, but what does it really mean? People that live totally by the rules.   A Dad and Mom that never divorce? A family that eats dinner like"The Cleavers" together at one table every night?  I think if we really dissect the family unit in every house hold we would find that there is no perfect person and certainly no perfect family.

  Functional like a working umbrella, can only take you so far until it needs to be worked on or replaced.  Families go through changes, as do people throughout their lives.  Tools and machines start out shiny and efficient, but eventually are in need of repair.  It is just the way of life.  Nothing, and I mean nothing is beyond the wares and tear of time.  So why would we expect people or our families to be any different?  Maybe it is the old fantasy of wanting the dream life.  Key word being "dream", because dreams are not factual nor true reality. 

 Life is a unique experiment for each of us.  No two people are exactly alike.  That is part of what makes this life such a fascinating journey.   What works for one person does not nearly cut it for another.  You know the old saying, "one man's trash is another man's treasure", and that is just the way things can be.  We live in a world that is ever changing, and so is the family and what we consider normal.  That being said, maybe we should simply throw out the term all together. Cast functional aside like an umbrella after the rain, and just learn to embrace the beauty of change, like a colorful rainbow after the storm.  After all, life is full of storms no matter what side of the tracks you live on. 

 

What does functional in life and the family mean to you?