Lovely Is the Fall




If Heaven made him — earth can find some use for him. ~Chinese Proverb


There are many ways we lose thing in this life, like a tree loses leaves in the autumn wind.
It is not just death that steals from the heart what could or might have been.

More than just a fire can take a house and tear the home right down,
as many trade winds that blow can carry the leaves until they hit the ground.

I did not realize what I had lost until the midst of winter's hardest cold
though you had been falling long before the autumn's rustling winds could blow.

Yet, for everything that is lost, something else new can be retrieved.  
There is a lesson spread upon the path that sounds out like rustling leaves.

One man's fall can be a guide post for another's future steps in this life
for even loss and hurt serve a greater purpose to inspire a walk that's truly right.




My sponsor once asked me why I could not give my son and his addiction over to God.  For a long time I could not truly answer her question.  At the surface I did not know the answer myself.   The following is the answer I eventually gave her:

"I am afraid of losing him, not just in death, but also in addiction.  For anyone who has ever had a child go through such a severe addiction knows that we do not just lose people through death, we lose people all kinds of ways.  When he was in the depths of his addiction, he was lost, and I felt I had lost the true him; the person he was truly in his heart.  I cannot tell you how devastating that experience is, but I understand now that is why I have held on to the fear of turning him completely over to God, as foolish as that may sound.  Even though he might need to go down another dark path to reach the place God wants him to be, I do not know if I could go through that again.  The pain of losing him in that way is beyond explaining.  Be it what it is, that is my reason."

It has been over a year since I wrote these words, and much has happened since then.  I am grateful to say that he went down the dark path again and hit rock bottom there.  He is now very active in recovery with a sponsor and sponsoring someone himself.  I have seen the miracle of recovering in his life and the inspiration of how he can help others that are on the dark beaten path of addiction.  That is what is lovely about falling.  We can reach out for help and get back up again, It is in that process we become a help to others through the example of our own life's lessons.  It may be a hard course, but when it is learned genuinely it is a beautiful one.




Comments

  1. Wow, The love of a parent, the struggles of the child. I have no words for what you went through, both of you. Recovery is ongoing. May you both find peace and continued strength on this side of the path.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You, my dear Carrie, have written with emotion, power, love, acceptance ~ and the result is nothing short of amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my, what a lovingly heartfelt work of art.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A quite moving response to the prompt...

    ReplyDelete
  5. So much that I could say --but mostly, what I want to say--hope and love and perseverance--my heart to you

    ReplyDelete
  6. We can rise only when we fall...a touching piece ... thanks for sharing :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your healing started as soon as you made the decision not to be co-dependant. "Letting God take care of it" is an expression of that decision.
    You have come a long way.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am pleased to hear he is on the mend ....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Carrie, I can feel the ache in your words. I am glad the journey is leading back up, and I hope that continues. Peace, friend. xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. I visit cemeteries, often, for the solace and insight that comes to me there. Glad our son found the road to recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Really beautiful and poignant. So glad both you and he are on the other side now, and may you continue to be so.
    Elise

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's good to know it was taken positively. It should sustain beautifully! Great write Carrie!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  13. Falling and rising - the lessons of nature.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Powerful write Carrie...sending gentle thoughts...

    ReplyDelete
  15. That third stanza is amazing. Insight and revelation. Clarity and understanding.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lovely to learn that de-addiction is successful.
    Nice when we regain loved ones. Hope all are as lucky....

    ReplyDelete
  17. Such a heartfelt post this is! Yes it is a terribly difficult thing to turn our child over to God, and perhaps something that you would have to do over and over again, perhaps minute by minute. So grateful to hear that your son is now on the right path and will keep him in my prayers that he stays on the right road. Will look forward to getting to know you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. You really capture the essence and beauty of fall here...and of life :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Carrie,

    I am so pleased to have visited your Blog today and to have read your words. You have given strong guidance to others who may be seeking an example, or sound advice. I am thankful for the return of your son and that you have so kindly written this piece, to offer hope to someone else.
    Well done Carrie,
    Eileen

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is so moving, honest and true - profound with a message that resonates if it is taken to heart.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amazing words. Heartfelt emotions. True miracles. <3

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

"Our best thoughts come from others." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson