Linking with The Sunday Muse for Muse # 16 and Imaginary Gardens for The Tuesday Platform
Come join us!
Life is an adventure in forgiveness. ~Norman Cousins
Life is an adventure in forgiveness. ~Norman Cousins
All the places I have been do not whisper in my ear like a
shy child
It is the places I have never been but should have gone
That tap me on the shoulder in the middle of the night
Demanding my undivided attention
Regrets are like that
Cousins of a certain loss
Yet strangers
Divided like the lines on a road
Branches of the same tree that head in different directions
One is the grief of mistakes made
The other the loss of opportunities that no longer are ahead
That we should have grasped whole heartedly when we could
For the regret of our mistakes is a sorrow that can be
forgiven
Sooner than a country mile
But forgiving ourselves for words unspoken or visits to
loved ones never taken
Is a heartache that holds a certain agony
That can be a life long journey to let go.
Note:
My maternal grandmother had agoraphobia, and the only time
she left her home was to vote. As a
child I never really realized the abnormality in it. She just never went with us, and we would
bring back dinner for her sometimes, even though she thought that you had to be
careful about restaurants cause the food could be tampered with. As years passed, and I had a home. I settled into a routine of my own, and though
I had gone on several trips out of state as a younger adult and into my 30’s I
found myself having a certain anxiety with trips that went very far out of
town. I decided that I had agoraphobia
on a grander scale. I could leave my
home, leave my town, but the minute I am heading on a long trip far away, I am
in a mental episode of anxiety. I think
I have shared this before on earlier posts, but I felt this important to share again
because it has caused me much regret when it comes to who I have visited and
where I have gone. It seems I have really held myself back and stifled my own
chances of seeing great things, or visiting those I hold dear. The saddest part is, there are several people
that I have lost the opportunity to see again, and I only have my own fear to
blame. This is a hard road to take when
you carry that kind of guilt. I can only
say, I am working on it. May your roads
ahead be full of opportunities taken.
That is my wish for us all!
Gosh this is so touching, I wish I could give you a hug right now! It takes a lot of courage to share your pain and regrets with others. I know its hard but we musn't be too hard on ourselves and should try to let go .. unleash the burden for it can be too heavy at times. Our hearts will heal with time.. hopefully💞 Sending love and light!
ReplyDeleteFear is a great crippler. Sometimes we can't help it. Yes there is regret but when your fear outstrips your regret, then it becomes indulgence. I don't mean to sound harsh in what I say. If you still have the regrets, fling the fear aside and get going! Regret and sadness at the road not taken? I have held back sometimes because I felt fear or dislike or even hate. It is a hard road to travel, this road of guilt. I am glad you are working on it. maybe one day you will let go of that fear and guilt. I hope you do before it is too late for you. Thee is an amazing world out there. Hugs to you. Be gentle with yourself but, not too gentle.
ReplyDeleteyour poem is very moving in so many ways and all about the subject of not being able to move far, to push boundaries. Fear is indeed fearful and keeps us small and seemingly safe in that but the suffocation can be terrible - I can only wish that you will push against the white lines little by little
ReplyDeleteOh, you portray all those regrets and their corresponding emotions in such a tender manner. Perhaps sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves with the weight of guilt pressing on us. And it may be better to set rules in such a manner that it doesn't hamper us from taking care of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteA thoughtful and thought-provoking verse. Take care!
-HA
The poem is a beautiful statement of the fear, the regret, the longing. And the back story is so honestly shared, very moving. I add my prayers to yours.
ReplyDeleteI liked the two branch tree, both of which are nagging the writer very badly. I've not been diagnosed and I suppose I don't have a problem but I procrastinate leaving to go as I planned, a few hours often. And quite often I don't go. I feel it is a problem that comes with my aging.
ReplyDeleteI'll add you to my prayer list. There will be a time that I will write for your group. But right now I am over blogged, I'm sitting some blogging things out as it us.
..
I forgot to say "thank you."
ReplyDelete"Thank you for the invite."
..
Phobias are terrible things to deal with. Knowing at an intellectual level that the behavior makes little sense, but still not being able to change it can be extremely draining. I hope you can find ways to meet people halfway, and that the half keeps on expanding and expanding... Having to miss great things is bad enough, but I can't even imaging how much worse it would be to have to feel guilty about it too.
ReplyDeleteYour perspective on the kinds of regrets, on how they affect us is very enlightening.
I enjoyed the personification of places in this poem, Carrie, and the way they 'do not whisper in my ear like a shy child' and ''tap me on the shoulder in the middle of the night', those ghosts of regrets and maybes. I also love the lines:
ReplyDelete'Branches of the same tree that head in different directions
One is the grief of mistakes made
The other the loss of opportunities that no longer are ahead
That we should have grasped whole heartedly when we could'.
I definitely felt an ache inside when I read your poem, Carrie.
Agoraphobia is a terrible affliction It can be hereditary. It can also be cured with the right treatment.With the right person in your life ( that is a hard one to get) a cure can be facilitated quite quickly.Don't give up hope.Instead of thinking about what you have missed out on...think of all your richer experiences than most which you have amassed in the limits that have been imposed on your life...Your imagination knows no bounds so you can travel anywhere in your head. It is the quality of your life that counts not how many bike trips you can ride around Uzbekistan.
ReplyDeleteThat's really emotional and beautiful, Carrie. Blessings to you dear friend!
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautifully and honestly expressed, my friend. Be kind to yourself. We all do the best we can. I applaud your grandma for going out to vote. That is awesome. I have regrets, too, most definitely. We soldier on. Smiles.
ReplyDelete