What Remains

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.  ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

Time burns her memory like a building on flame and my heart keeps re-entering to salvage what could be lost soft cuddles pushes on the swing thoughts shared all return to view I cradle them out of the wreckage with the tenderness of a mother yet fervour of an explorer certain I will retrieve something new that had been once consumed by time's tarnishing way
one vision at a time relinquished like a photograph taken out from underneath the protective glass yet they still fade tattered at the edges and dust inbetween reflecting the weakness of my memory to capture every moment like a camera but I will carry on with the recovery holding on to each one like a child's hand afraid of loosing them out in the open streets for I am the guardian and sole heir of them all and I will carry them with me in homage.

I turned 47 this year; the age my Mother was when she passed away.  I never realized at that time how young she truly was.  She never saw us kids grow up, attended our graduations, had the pleasure of participating in our weddings, or held her grandchildren in her arms.  Now I am very aware of the blessings that I have to see my grown children, and have the opportunity to watch my grandchildren grow up.  When I look at myself in the mirror I do not see the many wrinkles, or all the grey hairs, that seem to accumulate like dust on a picture frame,  I see the reflection of my mother's smile, and her heart that lives on in my life.


  1. 47 is no age, how sad for you all.

    My husband lost his father when he was only 3, I remember as he approached the age his father had been when he was killed it was a very meaningful time for him.

    I ope all is well with you

  2. You are such a tender soul Madambutterfly...i think it is because you have gone through so much pain in your life...thank you for your warm caring and encouraging words. I am doing fine. :-)

  3. I am sorry Carrie for your lost but am happy to see you find joy and hope evrytime you pen a poem. I am certainly grateful Mom and Grandma are still around, sharing their wisdom.

  4. this was beautiful and heart-warming carrie!

  5. A beautiful write, a sort of excavation of a past

    ...certain I will retrieve something new that had been once consumed by time's tarnishing way

    Love that J.M. Barrie quote as well.

  6. Precious is the mirror that enables insight.

  7. This is beautiful. I am almost the same age my mother was when she passed -- "the weakness of my memory to capture every moment like a camera" brings tears to my eyes. "for I am the guardian and sole heir of them all" gives strength to go on.

  8. Carrie, I needed to read this tonight. God's message to me, delivered by you, in His perfect timing. Praise him and give him glory...
    Many blessing,

  9. heart-felt, i liked the way your thoughts flowed, unhindered by punctuation. Beautiful Carrie, I hope your children treasure you as you do them.

  10. Thank you so much everyone for your sweet comments on this post...it was a difficult one for me to write,yet therapeutic at the same time.

  11. It must be so hard to be the age of your mother when she passed away. 47 is so young. Way too young to die; but it sounds like you have a deep appreciation of your age. I think your children and grandchildren will benefit.

  12. Time is so precious- when I reached the age my mother was when she died- I literally held my breath...and then relaxed as I realized I wasn't going to die as she did. Now I too look in the mirror and see my Mom as she could have been. Lovely post Carrie

  13. Thank you.. ah, I don't know, I just constantly ALWAYS have people around me telling me I'm so damn young, and naive and young and young ,young,young- and young and wrong..
    haha of course I've tried talking to her,
    Only if she would listen,not just her, but myself as well, I can't get serious with her, I get scared and back out because I know its going to turn into a huge argument and war. It's tense, and we 'koreans' are different; everything gets aggressive.uhh
    thank you; I do trust in God and I believe in everything he brings to me..everything happens for a reasong right,,?

  14. oh...this one stings...each moment is a blessing...and glad you looked in taht mirror to see it because i needed to hear it today...smiles.

  15. Thank you for sharing this! my response is difficult to word but you touched a deep part of my heart, such beautiful words and such a strong reminder for thankfulness!

  16. Hi Carrie,
    This is my first time here. I followed from Emily's imperfect prose as I'm contemplating a piece.
    This writing touched me deeply as I used the same quote about my mother shortly after she passed away. Snow fell in our desert (a rarity) and I found a rose covered in the powdery pure dust. I laid it on the grass and snapped its picture (not sure where), and used the quote you used above.
    "God gave us memories that we might have roses in December."
    Mom passed away in December. Snow fell on the roses in January.
    Thank you for the memory~Blessings,

  17. This is lovely. What a sweet ode to your mother, and your life, the two together, bound in memories.

  18. oh carrie...

    what a beautiful, heart-breaking tribute... and my soul aches for the loss of your mother... thank you for sharing more of your story with me this week, carrie. i feel akin to you, even more so than before. this, my favorite line: I will carry on with the recovery holding on to each one like a child's hand afraid of loosing them out in the open streets...

    you are beautiful.

  19. It always fills me with such hope and joy to read everyone's comments...i have made so many precious friends here, and your encouragment is amazing...thank you! :-)

  20. this is so beautiful carrie. thank you so for sharing it.

  21. Carrie,
    this is profound. I am 47 and can't imagine leaving my children, can't imagine their lives without me.
    I can imagine that it was terribly difficult for you, and still is in some ways.
    I feel honoured to have read these words.

    bless you

  22. Thank you Amy and Deb for stopping by with warm and wonderful comment...i enjoyed both of your posts as well. :-)

  23. this is heartbreakingly lovely...
    thank you for stopping by my sanctuary
    so i could peek into yours.


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