Friday, February 17, 2012

A Slow Lightening


"Out of difficulties grow miracles."  ~Jean de la Bruyere


In the fast paced world that we live in, it can be hard to see beyond our own worries and responsibilities, or should I say "noses".  We forget that there is more to life than just what is on our personal agenda.  We may have problems,and maybe things could be better, or easier, but there is always someone out there that has a much greater burden to bear.  All you have to do is turn on the six o'clock news and that is made perfectly clear.  There is adversity all around us, yet there are miracles as well.  I am not just talking about the beauty of nature, a new babies sigh, or a crash of lightening that reveals the face of God.  I am speaking of the miracles that do not happen everyday, but some fortunate souls have the opportunity to see take place in someone elses life.  Some miracles are not fast like lightening bolts, they are slow like road repair, but they are still miracles just the same.  I have had the amazing fortune to witness one of these very miracles with my own two eyes.  This is my story:


There are many different ways that we lose things in this life, and many things that can slip right out of our hands without us even realizing what happened. We spend money that seems to fly away much faster than it came to rest in our pockets.  We can lose control of the steering wheel, or we can even lose our sanity.  Countless things get lost that our hands once held tight.  Life is one big harry monster of uncertainty.  One that I am certain resides under my bed when I cannot sleep at night.  I wish that I could know without a shadow of a doubt that everything would always be fine, and that my children would never be harmed or suffer in this life, but that is not the way life is.  Everyday is a new day, full of situations that I cannot predict, and lessons that I can either learn from or re-learn another day to come. 
Losing the ones we love is by far the hardest loss of all, but there are many ways that we can lose a person in our life.  Sometimes people desert us and leave town without a word.  Other times tragic accidents take them before their time.  But there are those other times when they are alive and breathing right in the same room, but we have lost them to the destructive abyss of addiction.  Denial can be a powerful force, one that covers our eyes like a heavy dark shroud blocking our view of the truth.  I think there can be no greater a denial than that of a parent, when it comes to the disfunctional behavior of addiction when it is happening to our own adult children.  At first you just cannot believe that something that wrong could be taking place.  Then you do not want to see it for what it tuly is, because that means you would have to actually believe it and that would be more painful than shards of glass to the soul.  My son's behavior had been only slightly out of the ordinary at first.  It was subtle things like borrowing a little extra money because they were behind on their bills, or not wanting me to tag along on errands.  Then it became more significant things with bigger problems attached.  These situations simply accumulated, creating a huge bolder that eventually crashed the walls down on all our lives.  It was a devestating experience full of misery and uncertainty.  A certain hell that I would not wish on anyone.  But when the walls came crashing down like lightening, and all was lost that could be lost, a miracle emerged.  It was a gradual process, much like road repair.  Where there had been lies and destruction, there was beginning to be truth and reconstruction.  The road recovery was arduous and slow like a crawl, but it was happening, and that was a true miracle in itself.  The recovery of a life is much like road repair.  It takes a lot of destruction and removal of bad asphalt before you can lay down the new pavement.  Seeing this process build and unfold like a flower in bloom is an amazing miracle to behold.  You see some miracles are not fast like lightening strikes.  They are gradual like snow and expand outward like the branches of a tree. A young man we had lost to a life turned upside down by addiction and alcohol, was regaining a whole life again.  This miracle is still a work in progress that I have the privilege to see, and it has an impact on all that are close to him.  Life is full of uncertainty in this world, but one thing is certain, miracles do happen whether we see a lightening strike or we do not.


Linking with Poetry Jam

13 comments:

  1. Carrie,
    You look like a youngster in your photo ... with the heart and soul of a wise elder.

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  2. Carrie, what comes to my mind first of all is: Amen, Sister!

    And then again I think of the miracles that take place every day; and I say AMEN once again,

    Beautiful writing.

    (PS, this is the 4th time I am trying to post my answer. PLEASE consider not having us bloggers jump through hoops to post. I don't have the patience to do this EACH time. 6th time now. I can't get those letterw right. PLEASE eliminate the hooops. )

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  3. Carrie, this is beautiful. One never knows what tomorrow brings but this is filled with the journey through hell and then hope. Best wishes.

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  4. very nice carrie...i agree...some miracles as well we will not see as one until much later...when our emotions do not blind us to it...great write....

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  6. My heart goes out to you.....Yes there are many ways to lose a person. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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  7. Wow. My heart goes out to you and your son. The downward spiral so painful to watch; the recovery such a joy. Long may it continue. Thank you for your courage in writing this.

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  8. Back one more time. I am so glad to see that your son has made his way back. This is such a timely poem in the light of the fact I have just watched some of the Whitney Houston funeral. So sad what addiction can do to a person. You must thank God every day for your son's return.

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  9. As your story took wing with words of your son's recovery, I was struck by how wonderful for him that his mother so whole-heartedly supports his recovery. In the rooms of AA, in every meeting almost, we hear from recovering men and women how grateful they are for the healing in their families, for being able to regain the respect of their parents and their children. I could picture your son speaking in an AA meeting, those familiar words of gratitude for his mother who believes in the miracle of his recovery.

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  10. Thank you everyone....this one was hard to write....it has been a long journey....thank you so much for your insight and encouragment, it is appreciated more than words can say. :-)

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  11. A story so worthy of sharing, so hard to tell, I'm sure. Thank you.

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  12. Thank you Margaret for taking the time to read it....and yes it was hard to tell, but it is also a beautiful release as well. :-)

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  13. Oh Carrie, I so know this journey. I have been surrounded by addiction my entire life. I love the way you describe the road to recovery as being like road maintenance and repair........so true. Thanks so much for sharing this story. The support you are giving your son gives him a steady platform with which to begin the reconstruction. Bless you for that - I am so glad this miracle is happening.

    I am way behind on blogging, and hate that feeling - so glad I didnt miss this story!

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"Our best thoughts come from others." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

....and they lived happily ever after.....

....and they lived happily ever after.....
The End.