Thursday, July 29, 2010

Rustling of The Sheets

Poets United Think Tank Prompt #8

There was a time
together
in your bed
I could hear
nothing less than
the wistful steps
of your eyes
tickling my skin
and the whispering
of your thoughts
mingling with mine
hanging
on the hopes of
forever...

Now
alone
in this bed
I can hear
nothing more than
the rustling of the sheets
as I toss and turn.

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23 comments:

  1. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis HallJuly 29, 2010 at 6:47 PM

    once together,
    now gone,
    what a lovely sentiments...
    beautifully done!

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  2. signed...bkmJuly 29, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    I hope he comes back...it is to lonely...those empty sheets...bkm

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  3. A. RobinJuly 29, 2010 at 7:02 PM

    What a familiar feeling of longing! "the wistful steps of your eyes" "hanging on the hopes of forever" what beautiful lines!

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  4. RuthJuly 29, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    beautiful lines Carrie. Thanks so much for visiting me..:)

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  5. steveroniJuly 29, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    For me...Alone is OK
    "LONELY" is not!

    I would have gambled that your "alone" is not "lonely"...but it sounds like I lose.

    There is always another day, another love, another period of necessary growth.

    PEACE!

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  6. DasuntouchaJuly 29, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    So much said with so little...brilliant brevity indeed...felt.

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  7. SheriJuly 29, 2010 at 8:07 PM

    it hurts to read this but there is something so hopeful within that causes me to believe that there the sun still shines...simply beautiful, carrie.

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  8. Diane TJuly 30, 2010 at 5:02 AM

    Carrie, excellent poem of two moods. Sultry with a dash of sad reality.

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  9. MaryJuly 30, 2010 at 5:10 AM

    Carrie, this poem really packs a lot of feeling into the two stanzas. Tossing and turning is NOT fun....but the poem is beautiful.

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  10. Kerry O'ConnorJuly 30, 2010 at 7:58 AM

    I held my breath as I read this piece, Carrie. It is just beautiful, and captures the emotions so well. I found myself thinking: I wish I had written this one.

    :)Kerry

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  11. flaubertJuly 30, 2010 at 8:41 AM

    Beautifully done and so sad!
    Pamela

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  12. Sherry Blue SkyJuly 30, 2010 at 9:00 AM

    You express the emotions of loss so powerfully. Keep writing! And thanks so much for visiting my site. I'll keep coming back!

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  13. Sam LiuJuly 30, 2010 at 6:54 PM

    Tragic, heartbreaking, deeply stirring. This poetry at its very best and most astounding.

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  14. Warm CocoJuly 31, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    YES, we have all experienced that.
    It's a painful part of being grown-up...
    Wow, well said.

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  15. FrikoAugust 1, 2010 at 3:56 AM

    Simply said and therefore very effective.

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  16. Eileen T O'Neill .....August 1, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    Carrie,
    I liked the opposite life situations, contained within your words. Not easy to move from one emotion to the other, but you have managed this very well.
    Excellent 'real life' experience, recounted here.
    Best wishes,
    Eileen

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  17. Carrie Van HornAugust 1, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    Thank you everyone for taking the time to read it and all of your feedback...it always is a wonderful blessing to read everyones comments...I have been gone at a reunion all weekend...so that is why I am so late at commenting back. :-)

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  18. Serving Hugs on a Platter and Tears in a TeacupAugust 1, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    that is bittersweet beauty....

    Reminds me of a past life....

    *hugs*

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  19. Nikki (Sarah)August 1, 2010 at 6:24 PM

    wow. you wrote the contrast so excellent..

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  20. Carrie Van HornAugust 2, 2010 at 6:02 AM

    Alaurilee I really enjoyed your poem for the prompt it was perfect...this one is of a past life for me. Thank you for reading it and stopping by... :-)

    Thank you sarah for stopping by with kind words...
    :-)

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  21. FelicitasAugust 7, 2010 at 9:45 AM

    We always have such hope at the beginning of a relationship. I wonder how often these dreams truly play out?

    Your poem is beautiful and poignant.

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  22. UnknownAugust 9, 2010 at 1:09 AM

    Carrie, wow!So moving...so realistic...ooh, life's puzzles and contracts....how they put our lives to test!Reminds me of my Poem "No longer my love". But this one is pretty potent and so moving...ooh, how unpredictable life games are for all its unsuspecting worldly players!Hmmm....

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  23. Linda GoinAugust 11, 2010 at 11:26 PM

    the wistful steps
    of your eyes
    tickling my skin

    What a lovely visual...two minus one is sad. Lovely poem, Carrie.

    ReplyDelete

"Our best thoughts come from others." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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